


broken bones

by domharry1994



Category: One Direction
Genre: Bottom Louis, Crack, Dark Thoughts, Eventual Smut, Group Therapy, Insecure Louis, M/M, Mental Illness, OCD, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, References to Drugs, Self Harm, Sex Addiction, Top Harry, alternative universe, anger issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:44:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domharry1994/pseuds/domharry1994
Summary: “you know,” he starts, flicking the head of his cigarette. His dark eyes capture mine.“I’d fuck you.” With that he smirks, his hips swaying as he walks away, my mouth slightly agape.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> well I wrote this while I was high... I like the concept. Hope you enjoy!! Comment if you want more.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis meet. They intrigue each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo guys I'm sitting through this a bit as I'm realizing there's a lot of loose ends, if you spot any feel free to comment them. Enjoy!

I dread this day of the week. My hands are clammy and my arms itch. It feels like everybody’s eyes are on me and their staring. Looking for any imperfection I may have. I scratch my neck, a nervous tick.  
My therapist tells me group therapy is helping me, I apparently just don’t see the improvement yet. I think he’s a fucking liar and say these things because everytime I go to group therapy he gets paid.  
The circle contains the same people it does every session. My eyes flicker to Mary, who always sits uncomfortably close to our therapist Dr.Alan. She’s here for daddy issues, basically. She always stinks the room up with cheap perfume and her makeup is nearly dripping onto the floor. She somehow weasels her way every session to sit basically on Dr. Alan’s lap. I’d understand if he was at least 20 or even 30 but he is double that age. The judst of it is, Mary is gross and I don’t talk to her. Beside her is Alex, who is currently eating a scab off his shin. He doesn’t understand social norms and often does pretty disgusting things. One time when I was walking down the hallway to the parking lot I passed by him peeing in a bucket. I try to avoid eye contact with him at all times. Exactly fourteen cemeters away from him is Claire, she has OCD. Our little squad of psychos wouldn’t be complete with an obsessive compulsive freak. She’s obsessed with the number fourteen, she’s never shared why but there’s many rumors around the mystery. Some speculate it’s the age she lost her virginity, or how times she’s done anal for money. I think her mental illness just clung on to the random number but that’s just me. Lastly (besides me), we have Liam. He has insane anger issues, during a session a person beside him was chewing gum and next thing I knew a teen boy is going flying across the room and Liam’s banging on his chest like he’s a damn gorilla or some shit. He says he has a lot of built of anger. Then there’s me. I think I’m the most fucked up out of the lot. But I don’t like to brag. I like blood. Well, only my blood. When I’m alone I dig knives into my skin until I forgot how many times I was raped by my cousin.  
Dr.Alan passes out some dumb survey to reflect on our responses and “learn new things” about ourselves. Our boring little class is interrupted when the heaven’s gates suddenly open up. Stepping in is what can only be described as an angel. That could be the joint I smoked outside of the gas station. Dark curls bounce with each step his long legs take. His face looks to be sculpted by the world’s most skilled artist. He screams perfect. I clench my firsts at my sides. I do not need this right now.  
“And who are you?” Dr.Alan paints a fake smile on his face. The man pays no mind and plops down next to me, I flinch at the sudden motion.  
The man looks down at his nails uninterested, “I'm Harry. I tried to kill myself last week, it’s either here or some shaddy ass place in New Jersey.” He explains, Dr. Alan tutting in disapprovement.  
“Ah, not the best attitude lad.” I raise my hand weakly, “he did try to kill himself last week sir.”  
The doctor shoots me a frustrated look but quickly covers it up with a smile to the group. That’s when I notice harry smirking at me. SMIRKING AT ME. At the ugliest boy on the face of this earth, the most butchered body the human eye has never imagined. His eyes are roaming down my body and I wanted to hide in my skin until his invading eyes got bored of what he saw.  
I jumped as there’s a nudge to my side, I stare wide eyed as the man I’ve had an erection for since he walked in the room is touching me!  
He cocks his head at me, “you’re very cute, what’s a boy like you doing in group therapy?”  
I try not to smile. I love this question. I love the innocence behind it. And I love the reaction when I reveal my wrist.  
I shoot him a wicked grin, “I hate my body. I paint it with a razor.” I raise up my sleeves and show off my torn apart wrist like a trophy. He visibly pales at my wrists and then gives me a strange look.  
“You’re very weird.” He says to me, “want to go on a date?”  
I was just about to respond when I am shushed by the doctor, I slump in my chair.  
“Now since we have no idea what this man is here for-“  
“-yes we do-“  
“we’ll go around the group getting to know eachother. Let’s start with… Mary.” I roll my eyes, figures. I wonder how many times she’s given him head. She smiles brightly as she acknowledged by her crush.  
“Mary, tell the group why you are here.”  
She crosses her legs under her skirt, her calf displaying a colorful tattoo of a bird in a cage. Basic. “I guess I am here because my dad treated me as more an entertainer for him and his friends rather than his daughter.” Doctor Alan nods encouragingly.  
“Let’s move on to Alex, what are you here for?”  
Alex stares at him blankly, his eyes wide in panic. If you listen quiet enough you can hear how shallow his breathing had gotten. He’s not really sure how to talk in front of large groups of people. The doctor knows this and because he is an asshole and always asks him anyway.  
“I.. am here, because, I can’t talk to people… normally,” he struggles to say, his hands fidgeting like crazy. My skin starts to crawl as I notice Harry is still staring at me. Do I have milk on my shirt? What is there to look at for so long? I shoot him a dirty look but he just retaliates by winking at me.  
“Claire, what are you here for?”  
She scowls from where she looks up from lap. “I just like number's. I like the number fourteen and it seems to piss everyone around me off. Aren’t we allowed to have favorite numbers? What happened to freedom of speech? This country is going to hell.”  
The room is quiet for a few moments, I try to stifle laughter. Her head nearly snaps off at how fast she turns to me.  
“Whats so funny, nut case?” she tries to taunt me, but I just blush at the flattery.  
“shut up you dumb bitch!” Liam suddenly yells, standing on his chair. I look over at harry and he looks to be enjoying himself. Dr Alan stands quickly and coaches Liam to regain his composure and focus on breathing. Soon he calms down and sits back in his chair. He and I are kind of friends. A couple months ago I gave him a hand job in the bathroom and since then he’s been pretty protective over me. I think it’s hot. It pisses Claire off and that makes me immensely happy.  
“Liam, what are you here for?”  
Liam leans back in his chair, letting out a breath. “My mother wouldn’t stop making this stupid clicking sound with her pen so I threw a pan at her head and knocked her unconscious. Which made me look crazy and now I’m here because I feel a basic human emotion.” We all injest that dumbass statement.  
“Louis, why are you here?”  
“I hurt myself, a lot. And I really like it.”  
Claire stands up from her chair, “you’re disgusting! Freak!”  
Liam nearly flies out of his chair, “CLAIRE! One more FUCKING thing and you’re dead.”  
They both eye each other as they sit back down, I’m a little aroused after their showdown. Dr.Alan smiles at the new guest.  
“Alright. Lastly, harry." The doctor leaned in to where harry was sat, "why are you here?”  
Harry had an amused look on his face. “to say it bluntly, I’m a sex addict.” he clicked his tongue, "and i also tried to kill myself."  
The bell goes off and everyone stampedes out of the room. Happy to get the fuck out of there. I watch as the crazies jump into their cars and zoom home. I don’t get why they get so excited to go home. Home is where I feel the worst, where I am alone with just myself. I jump as a large hand clasps down on my shoulder. I look up to see Harry’s gorgeous face staring down at me. He silently holds up a cigarette, which I take gratefully. Harry smokes one too. We smoke together. We both increase our chance of dying; together. It’s quiet and relaxing, the only sound is the puff of smoke and cars. I turn to him as he clears his throat.  
“you know,” he starts, flicking the head of his cigarette. His dark eyes capture mine.  
“I’d fuck you.” With that he smirks, his hips swaying as he walks away, my mouth slightly agape. _Come back and fuck me_ I wanted to yell _._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow second chapter!! hope it's good, kudos and comment <3

I have to admit I was a little down after Harry didn't show up to group for two weeks. I actually tried to look somewhat good, I styled my hair in a quiff and wore my tightest jeans. But he didn't show up. And if I was little sulky those past two weeks, it wasn't my fault. 

Currently, I'm at my ex boyfriends house. We're still friends. We broke up because of my self harm. He helped me get into therapy but along the way he lost the love he used to have for me. But we're still friends and I think I'm almost over the fact that he left me alone at the time I needed someone the most. 

He soundlessly passed me a beer, which I opened immediately and chugged. He cocks an eyebrow at me. 

"Bad day?" His rough voice askd, I shrug. I don't feel like talking about it. I feel like doing something more.. destructive.

"Let's just get drunk. Like really drunk." I suggest, my favorite solution to any problem. Zayn laughs lightly but shook his head, his face turning serious. "that would be a terrible fucking idea. Remember last time we got drunk and you-"

"Hey!" I interrupted, defensive that he is bringing this up once again, "that happened one time! And plus, I would have done that to myself drunk or not." 

Zayn was quiet after that, but I could feel his eyes staring at my wrist. I slumped on the couch, "we going to play a round or what?" 

He snaps out of his daze and powers on the TV, grabbing both of us controllers. We played for a pathetic long time, I was kicking Zayns ass. I always was better at this game than him. Sadly I think it's because I spend more time at home than he does.

The door bell rang but neither of us got up to answer, "Louis go answer it." Zayn told me without looking away from the screen. I groaned dramatically, "it's your house!" 

"It might be the pizza. Go." I squealed when he pushed me off the couch and I landed on my ass. He stuck his tongue at me and I glared at him as I walked into the hallway. I grabbed my wallet out of my jacket hung on a coat hanger and opened the door. I didn't look up as I searched through my wallet. 

"How much is th-"

"Hello, beautiful." 

I froze, I slowly looked up in horror when I saw who it was. It was Harry. And I currently am wearing grey sweat pants with some sort of stain on them, one of Zayns hoodies and my hair had not been fixed since I woke up this morning. I panicked and shut the door on his beautiful face. But to my dismay he stuck his boot in the door last second. He opened the door again and smirked, "not happy to see me?" He teased, entering the house and putting his jacket on the rack. I gulped when I could see his muscles through his white shirt. 

"Louis who is it!" Zayn yelled from the living room, I looked up at Harry who was already looking down at me. The smirk still present on his face. 

"It's me Zayn, harry." 

It turns out Zayn and Harry had been friends for a long time. I tried to keep up with the conversation but i could not stop staring at how sinful Harry looked. He was covered in tattoos, dark eyes and hair, he was very muscular and the white shirt and tight jeans only made him look sexier. Overall, I was screwed. 

"Right Louis? " i snapped out of my daze, which had embarrassingly been Harrys crouch.

"Huh?" I looked up at the two males, Zayn was biting back a smile and Harry was smirking at me, once again. 

"I said you go to the same group therapy as Harry, right?" I felt his cheeks heat up. 

"Um yes, but Harry are you even enrolled still?" I asked curiously. Harry looked a little surprised I was talking to him but covered it up either a cough, "I am yes. I just haven't wanted to come back. It was kinda gay." 

I laughed lightly, "couldn't agree more, mate." 

The doorbell goes off again, before anyone could object, Zayn stands to go get it. Leaving Harry and I alone. 

 

We had an intense stare down, his eyes undressing me and i kept envisioning his lips on mine. I couldn't help myself any longer I sprung up from the couch i was sitting on and planted myself on Harrys lap. For once, Harry was the one who was flustered. I pushed his hair, staring into his green eyes. 

"Hi." I giggled, Harry quirked an eyebrow. Letting his hands settle on my hips. 

"Hi, weirdo." I laughed again. 

"Can I kiss you?" I asked, licking my lips. Instead of responding, Harry forced their mouths together. Moaning at how soft my lips are. He tightened his grip on my hips, i whimpered slightly and pulled away. 

"Not too hard." I whispered, reminding Harry what was  
littered on my skin. Harry nodded and pressed our lips together again. 

I pulled away when i heard the front door slam and instead of moving back to my spot on the couch, i situated myself on Harrys lap, which neither of us minded.

Zayn walked in the room with the box of pizza, paused when he saw the new position we were in. He shook his head while laughing, "why didn't I set them up before." He thought mindlessly to himself. 

The two males ignored him, too distracted by each other. I dont knkw why i had felt so compelled to sit on harrys lap, I think deep down i knew this was another addiction that was going to feel so good, but also hurt so bad. 

I remained on Harrys lap until it started getting dark, "alright guys I best be going." 

I said and tried to get up but Harry wrapped his arms around me like a koala and growled. 

"Nooo," he whined, i looked over at Zayn desperately. Zayn sighed. 

"Harry let him go, and can you give him him a ride? I hate when he walks alone at night." Zayn asked, i glared asked him. 

"I'm perfectly fine walking thank you." Harry chukled at that, I turned to give him a dirty look. 

"Why is that funny?"

"Because," he said, his face turning serious as he made eye contact with me. 

"There's no way you're walking home. Come on," he gently pat my thighs, indicating for me to stand up. 

"Bye Zayn, love you." I said, standing up and planting a kiss on Zayns cheek. If I had to stand on my tippy toes to do so that's my own business. I shot Harry a shy smile as i walked to stand beside him. Butterflies swarmed my stomach as Harry placed his hand on the small of my back. We slip on their shoes and jackets and walk ourselves out.

"Bye lou! Bye Harry, be safe!" Zayn calls out as the two males climb into Harrys range rover


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really really short update but I felt I left out shit from the last chapter, also reminder that this story is very triggering so read with caution. Comment if you like this so far :)

I went home and cut Harry’s name into my skin.

 

I couldn’t remember much from the night before, sometimes when I get too in my head I black out and can only remember bits and pieces. I vaguely remember filling the bath up and popping out my razor. But I can remember in detail the way Harry kissed me on my door step. His lips told me everything I have wanted to ask him.

But then I ruined it.

 

I fidgeted slightly in my seat, embarrassingly enough it had been a long time since I had been alone with a man who wasn’t my ex boyfriend. Harry was cool as a cucumber, calmly driving the car, humming along to the radio. My hands were shaking, and I swear my eye was twitching too. i wanted to fill the silence, say something and then listen to him laugh at it.

 

“You coming to group tomorrow?” I asked, trying to start a conversation. He smiled slightly.

“Have you been missing me at group, Lou Lou?” He teased, I felt myself get hot.

“Well,” I started, staring at his side profile as he drives. I almost got distracted by the sharpness of his jaw line. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed when you didn’t show.”

He grinned to himself, the car slowed as he pulled up to a red light. He turned his head to me, his green eyes so bright I wished they’d burn me. “I think someone has a crush,” he mocked, taking his hand off the steering wheel and pinching my cheek. I playfully growled at him. He retreated his hand with a smile, looking again at the road.

“I don’t have a crush! I’m just.. Intrigued.” I said, cringing at my choice of words. Harry nodded his head in response.

“I think I feel the same way.” He said lowly, almost as if it wasn’t for me to hear. I felt a bit disappointed as the car reached my street, I had merely seconds left with harry. Time to play it cool.

“Are you going to kiss me again?” I blurted out and tried not to face palm. I fucking hate myself. Harry let out a genuine laugh, his hand leaving it’s position on the rest of his chair and instead placing it on my thigh. I relaxed into his touch.

“Fuck yeah I am.” He replied, squeezing my thigh with his words. His car came to a stop outside my house. He hopped out of the car and jogged over to my door, opening it for me. I blushed at the chivalry. But apparently the gentleman in him wasn’t there to stay because suddenly I was forcibly pushed again his car as he pressed his lips to mine. I moaned at the rough actions, knotting my fingers in his hair. His hands slid down my hips and tapped my thighs, indicating me to wrap my legs around his waist. I did so without hesitation and swiped my tongue against his bottom lip. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine, his breathing heavy. A small smile was present on his lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he said quietly to me, placing me on the ground again. I flushed scarlett and stood on my tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

He walked me to my door, both of us silent as thoughts filled our minds. I stopped at my door and smiled up at him.

“Thanks for the lift,”

“Anytime, love.” He said as he brought my hand to his lips, kissing it tenderly before going back to his car. I waved as he drove away. I sighed to myself, he really is perfect.

 

Too perfect. Especially for someone like me. And I almost forgot he’s a sex addict, the equivalent of a fuck boy.

_He doesn’t want anything from you except for a quick fuck._

I pressed my hands over my ears and I screamed. He probably thinks I am so easy.

_You are easy._

 

 

I don’t remember much from after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed it!! Expect an update in the next three days! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter based off the lyric, "he tells me that I'm hot so I tell him I love him." When reading this remember Harry ha's a sex addiction which can make him act like an ass hole. So hope you enjoy the chapter, kudos and comment

I didn't sleep much, the cuts stung for hours and kept bleeding through the bandage. I had no idea how I was going to explain this to Zayn because he would inevitably look at my wrist. When other people like someone they get butterflies in their stomach, when I like someone I carve their name into my skin. 

I'm already awake when my alarm goes off, I slept maybe two hours. My stomach feels a little queasy when I think about having to face the day. I just want to sink into my bed and live within the comfy confines of my blankets. 

My thoughts are interrupted when my phone starts ringing. I groan and blindly pick it off my bed side table. I frown when I don't recognize the number but pick up regardless. 

"Hello?" I say, a little hesitant. The only person who calls me Zayn and sometimes my mother. 

"Hey, beautiful." I can't help the smile that spreads across my face, I sit up and fix my hair. Like he can see me or some dumb shit. 

"Hey- wait, how did you get my number?" I ask, the realization that I never gave it to him crossing my mind. 

"I have my ways." I can imagine him smirking, I'm still a little shocked he called me. 

"So, I called because I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch before group. " he asks, for once he actually sounded a bit nervous. My mouth was slightly agape, he wanted me to go on a date with him? He must not just want me for sex than if he actually wants to spend time with me. 

It's a ploy. He only wants in your pants. 

For once, I ignored this voice because honestly it was really starting to piss me off. 

"Hello? Louis? You there?" I than realized I forgot to voice my answer. 

"I would really like that." I said a little shyly, Harry laughed into the phone. 

"I thought I scared you off." He said referring to my long moment of silence. I laughed slightly too. 

"It'd take a lot more than that to scare me off. I'm going to hop in the shower, text me the details okay?" I tell him. 

"I defiantly will, enjoy your shower. Bye."  
I smile to myself "bye." 

I squealed like a little pig all the way to the washroom. I was still a little shocked Harry wants to go on a date with me but I did not want to question him, no use in jinxing it. 

But my happiness came crumbling down when my attention was directed to my wrist once again. Which had started gushing blood once again. I sighed, and stepped into the shower.

I tried not to snort as I took a sip of my milk shake, Harrys eyes shining as he stared at me. He cocked his head at me.

"I actually kind of like you." He states, rubbing his chin. I sarcastically widen my eyes and gasp. 

"Holy shit THE Harry styles like me? What an honor." I mock and roll my eyes. He laughs but doesn't move his eyes from my face. 

He sits back in his seat, "so?" 

I give him a confused look, "so...?" He smiles slightly at me. "Isn't this the part of the date where I learn all the boring shit about you and than you pretend to care where I grew up?" 

I leaned in, looking into his frosty eyes. "But, what if I do care?"

His eyebrows rose slightly but covered it with a smirk, surprising me and grabbing my hand with his much larger one. I dragged my eyes up from where he was holding my hand to his face. He was smirking now. 

"I'd guess that'll be our problem," he said airlessly, "you'll always care and I won't, darling." 

I glared at him, snatching my hand from his hold. "If you don't care about me, why did you ask me on a date?" 

He licked his lips, "sex." 

I looked at him in disgust, "sex? Really?" 

He nodded slowly, his eyes darkening slightly, "you've got a really really nice ass, baby." 

I perked up a bit at that, I'm a sucker for complements.

"What if we don't have sex?" I ask him, chewing on my lip. He thinks for a moment. 

"You'll submit to your desires the next time I see you." 

I smiled in triumph, "ha! So this isn't actually just about sex." 

He crossed his arms at me, narrowing his eyes. "Of course it is, what else would I want you for?" 

Ouch, I felt a lump form in my throat slightly. I fought the urge to run fingers over my recent cuts. 

"So you're serious, you only brought me here to seduce me and bring me back to your place?" I say, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment for actually thinking for a moment somebody liked me. 

Harrys POV

No "Yes,"

I stand up from the table, throwing money down. Louis looks up at me with a disappointed face. I ignore the hurt in my heart. 

"Well.." I draw out, a test to see if he was following me. I had no doubt he was. I usually went for boys with low self esteem, they are the easiest to get to come to bed. 

"Is this the last I see of you, if I don't come? " he asks in a small voice, toying with the end of his sleeve. 

"Yes." I answered plainly, feeling like shit after. 

After a few moments he stood up wordlessly, and clutched my hand. I smiled down at him but the smile didn't reach my eyes. He squeezed my hand in response. 

It was becoming clear to me, that neither of us wanted this.


	5. Chapter 5

We walked from the restaurant to his flat, my heart was hammering in my chest. My only sexual experiances are not.. pleasant. But I didn't want Harry to leave me. And if that meant whoring myself out to him, than I would do just that. Id never had someone call me beautiful before. Im not letting that go. 

We approached his flat, it was a seemingly nice house. He had a garden of bright flowers and the house was painted a clean white. 

"Your house is pretty." I said quietly, he smiled slightly and squeezed my hand. He opened the door for me, I shyly walked in and toed off my shoes. I turned to Harry who was staring at my ass. I playfully rolled my eyes and he shrugged, "can't help it." 

I gasped when his large hand reach out and cupped my ass, I held onto his chest for support as he squeezed the firm flesh. My mouth fell open, slightly agape, no one had ever touched me like this before. 

"You like that, baby?" 

I nodded breathlessly, he pulled me close to his chest. "Jump," he said roughly into my ear. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He held onto my ass tightly as he led to what I'm guessing is his room. It was a fairly plain room, no posters, white walls and only a single bed. Harry snapped his fingers in front of my face, I didn't even realize he had me sat on his bed.

I knew I didn't want to have sex, I didn't want Harry to see my body at all. I bite my lip as I stare at Harry, who stands between my parted legs. 

"Baby, I don't want to have sex today. Can I suck you off instead?" 

Harry sucked in a breath sharply as i stared upnat him.>Harry ran his fingers through my fringe, "do you want to?" 

I laughed lightly, "isn't that the only reason I'm still here?" 

Before Harry could say anything, I motioned for him to take off his shirt. Harry did it very slowly, until i got impatient and stood up and took it off myself. Harry laughed slightly, but it died down when I took one of his pretty nipples in mouth. 

He breathed in sharply, "shit baby." I looked up at him as I flicked my tongue on the bud, my hands running down his toned stomach. I brushed my fingers along the waist band of his underwear. His eyes closed lightly at the touch. I squeezed his hips but paused when I felt uneven skin. I looked down and gasped when I saw old cuts littering his pale skin. I looked up at him in question, my eyes sad. 

He smiled down at me, "don't worry about me baby, I'm clean now." He ran his fingers through my fringe again. I surprised him and myself when I pressed kisses to the scarred area. I looked up at him with wide eyes, "don't do it anymore." 

He laughs slightly, "a little hypocritical, don't you think?" He says as he gestures to my sleeve that fell down, revealing many cuts. I was relieved it was the arm that didn't contain his name. 

I blush and hastily lift my sleeve up and rip his belt off, no longer going slow. Harry watched with his mouth agape at the change in pace. I blow air over his boxers, sucking on the head through the thin material. His back arches as he let's out a low groan. 

"Don't be a tease, babe." Iook up at him as I pulled down his boxers, giving an impressive look to his monster cock. 

I grip onto the base, spitting onto his hardening length. I move my hand up and down, leaning my head down to kitten lick the head. He isn't as salty as I expected, tastes almost sweet. 

"You taste good," I hum, hollowing my cheeks and swallowing him down. He gasps in surprise and digs his nails into my scalp, my eyes lock with his dark green eyes and I start to Bob faster, using my free hand to squeeze his balls. His eyes close tightly and he leans his head back in pleasure. 

"Shit, " he moans, his hips thrusting slightly. I relax my throat and tap his but to let him know to go faster. He doesn't hesitate and starts nailing his cock down my throat. My eyes water but I welcome pain, his grunts get louder and the room temperature spikes.

I really want to kiss him but I'm too busy sucking his dick to do that. I can tell he's about to cum, his thrusts are getting more erratic and his balls are pulsing in my hold. 

"Fuck I'm going to come, baby." He grunts, I start to move my head with his thrusts. 

Cum starts to pump in my mouth and I almost forget to swallow when I watch Harrys face as he comes. His mouth fell open as his eyes closed. It defiantly is the hottest thing I've ever seen. I swallow his come, trying not to cringe at the taste. 

I lifted myself off my knees and watched as Harry did his pants up. I flinched back as Harrys hand went to my pants. He looked at me in confusion, "you don't want me to touch you?" He asked, sounding a little hurt. 

I sighed, "it's not that I don't want you touch me, it's just..." I trailed off. 

"It's just what? Exactly what I said?" He huffed, grabbing my arm and pulling me off the bed. I winced at the pressure on my cuts. 

"Harry what are you doing?" I ask, slightly scared as he continues to drag me down his hallway. He stops abruptly and pushes me against the wall, his eyebrows pinched together in frustration. 

"Let me touch you."

"No."

He grabbed me again and threw me towards the front door. "Then leave." 

I winced at the pain in my arm, no doubt opening cuts I did recently. My eyes filled with tears as I stared up at him. If I leave now, he won't ever want to see me again. 

It was like I was looking into the eyes of my cousin, the eyes that have terrifi ed me to the bone. I gulped.

I stand up from the floor and press myself against his chest, I swallow my feelings and grab his hand, pressing it against my softening length. 

"Do what you want." I say, "just don't leave me." 

 

 

 

 

 

He sucked my dick through my zipper. I went home and cut myself twelve times.

 

 

 

I missed group.


	6. Authors note

I'm going through and editing the shit out of this fic because I'm noticing a lot of loose ends. If you notice any please don't hesitate to notify me in the comments. With that said, also comment things you want to see more in this fic. Like more of Liam, Louis in his everyday life, more of Harrys POV, etc. Hope you guys are enjoying this so far!! Hoping to update in the next few days.


	7. Chapter 7

Today, I'm going to Zayns and I'm not ready for the beast that's going to rip out of Zayns body and attack me for the state of my body. It's been a week since I've seen Zayn. A week filled of giving Harry blow jobs and feeling like shit when I'm not comfortable enough for him to fuck me. Even when harry just gives me a handjob all I can see is my cousin pinning me down and making me do things that I didn't even understands. My wrist is completely torn apart. I have never seen it this bad. I switched from using a blade to a pocket knife and the damage it inflicts is worse than any cut I've done before. 

The shower beats down on my skin, I used to love showering but it hurts now. It stings my cuts. I quickly wash up and than dry off, I use the towel to pay dry my arms, I stop to lightly trace my fingers over Harry's name. Harry makes me feel warm inside. Even though loving him hurts, it's still one of the best fucking feelings I've had. If I have to sacrifice my self esteem for his his attention; I will. I'll do anything to be his. But, he doesn't want me. He just wants a body to fuck. But, I rather him using me than fucking someone else. 

I slip my clothes on and than quickly make my bed before leaving my room. I cringe at the sight of my kitchen, it's a disaster but I've had no motivation to do anything but lay in bed and cut myself. I grab my keys and leave my shitty house. 

The drive is peaceful but my stomach is in knots. I'm scared he's going to scream at me and call me crazy. I wouldn't blame him. I am crazy. 

I pull up outside of his house and curse when I see Harry's car. Of course. I sigh and park my car, hopping out and making it up the long driveway. I dont knock and instead walk right in, toeing my shoes off at the front. I'm about to announce my arrival when I hear Zayn and Harry talking in hushed voices. I creep over the doorway of the living and listen quietly to their conversation.

"I'm worried about Louis." I hears Harry's voice say 

(I'll continue this when I'm not depressed aha)

(Continue to the next page)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damnnn its been awhile since ive updated, this is uneditted!!!! Kudos n comment yall

"Why?" I could h ear Zayn ask, I felt nauseated. Could Harry really see how miserable I truly am?   
"Just.. when he gets, check his wrists, I think-" I start to panic and I interuppt their conversation by opening tthe front door again, acting as if I had just arrived.   
"Lou?" Zayn called out, I yelled back in response, my voice slightly shaky.   
Nerves ate at me when I entered the living room, both males eyes snaped to me, but more specifically my wrist.   
I walk in and smile slightly as Zayn embraces me, a frown is present on his face when we pull away.   
"You feel very.. thin." Zayn poimted out, I had to fight the urge to beam. He unknowingly gave me the best compliment in my opinion.   
"Uh, thanks?" I responded, scared of how my response will make him feel. My goal was for my sleevesto stay down and my mental health to stay out of the conversation.   
"Dont I get a hug?" Harry said, spreading his arms apart. I didnt hesitate to hug him, I melted in the embrace. I subtely smelt his neck, my insides doing backflips at how good he smelled. 

Harrys POV  
Louis did look thin. I noticed when Zayn pointed it out. His cheeks were sunken in and he just looked.. small. And sad.   
I couldnt resist hugging him, he looks like he needs a hug.   
He smelt amazing.   
Zayn cleared his throat and Louis pulled away, I felt a little empty without his warmth. Zayn gestured to the couch and Louis took a seat, I could tell by his hands that he was nervous. They were shaking profusely. I settled into the dark green couch. This was going to be a long talk. 

Zayns POV (woahhh everyones perspective)   
I felt like I was looking at the before picture of a hurrendous storm. Louis looked at harry like he hung the stars, and theres no way harry could like him back. Its just not in his nature. He only cares about sex.   
Thats it.   
"So Louis," I started, giving Louis an expectant look. Usually, Louis knows to show his wrist, but he pretended not to know what I wanted. He looked away from me.   
"Louis. Come on."   
"Right now? Harrys here." Louis protested, i raised an eyebrow, hadnt harry seen him naked.   
"Ive basically never seen louis without clothes on, not even shirtless."   
I felt even more concerned.   
"Lou, take off your shirt." Louis sputtered, "no! What the fuck,"   
My face hardened , "what are you trying to hide? Ive seen you naked multiple times and at this point harry should have seen you shirtless by now."   
"Do you think youre fat?" Harry asked, wondering what louis was so afraid of. I felt bad when I saw tears starti ng to drip down Louis's face.   
"I just hate myself, theres a lot of reasons." He said in a small voice, breaking my heart.   
"Well, you shouldnt, youre beautiful." Harry said genuinely, leaving me speechless. Where did this sweetness come from?   
Ouis took a deep breath and was about to remove his shirt but he stopped, "promise you won't get mad." He basically begged, this made ms even more worried. 

Louis's POV   
Harry smiled slightly, "we wont get mad, dont worry." I nodded slowly and then tightly closed my eyes. I gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off, my stomach dropping at the sound of them gasping.   
"Louis.." harry said in a sad voice. I opened his eyes and immediatly tears started to stream down my face. I looked down at my wrists and cringed at how painful it looked. You could tell that I used a knife. 

Harey gathered me in his arms, holding me as I cried.   
"I didnt know it was this bad." Harry whispered in my ear, his fingers gliding down my wrist, tracing the l etters of his name.   
"Do I hurt you this bad?" He asked, sounding hurt.   
"You drive me crazy." I said, instead of saying yes.   
He makes me want to cut out of my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos n comment ❤❤

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that wasn't too shitty, comment if you want me to update :)


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